I met a friend yesterday for lunch after three years of no contact. He's Iranian and not religious, but he's sure had a wild streak of bad fortune when it comes to the results of international politics and a little something called the American Dream. Since that ill-fated day in 2001, he's had some problems with obtaining work, and for a while, I was sympathetic.

Fast forward 5 years. He is still having problems with work. He claims that the only work he can get is in the States because of his specific knowledge in a programming language. I suggest he pick up some extra skills, but he says it will take too long. I tell him to network, and he says that people don't care. He says he can only get call centre work here. He brings up stories about co-workers, and how when he's looking at specific websites about space, they make little remarks at how he should "give them a speech about it", and he thinks they're wanting to recruit him for something. He explains stories that seem harmless for someone outside of the situation, but he believes there are constantly people against him. Yet he often bears acidic thoughts regarding Indians, Pakistanis, and Jamaicans, and, heck, he certainly doesn't have anything nice to say about the Jews.

You know, I feel like I can be a genuine listening board for people. I feel like I want to help people, especially when they've been slighted. I am an ardent supporter of the underdog. I am upset about what he had to go through. But it's also been a few years now, and there comes a time when people have to take ownership of their own lives and stop putting their energies into these things that will never get them anywhere but hating the world even more than they do. I'm not saying lose that critical eye, because we need that, but I find that some people are not really helping themselves and doing things to other people just to get back at what's been done to them.

Hmm. Interesting how it takes a really negative person to see what's going a-foul in your own life. I feel awake now.

I am no longer found at this Livejournal. If you wish to catch my splashiness, drop me a comment, and we'll see what happens.

</p>

music: "turn it on" - flaming lips

in occasional fits of "i wish i were more talented", i pick up G's electric guitar and start strumming like there was no tomorrow (note: this is just a 'saying'. if there was really no tomorrow, i think i'd be doing better things than strumming an instrument i'd never laid hands on for most of my living life. i'm just saying). so far, G has instructed me on the strumminess of about five chords, all of which are played horribly, but are still five chords that i can at least attempt to play.

so far, my repertoire includes the first two chords of nirvana's 'about a girl'. roll out the red carpet, i'm gonna be a rock star.

today was a pretty darn good day. i had a hot dog and managed to get through the day without having it mess around in my stomach and burble out of my buttocks in frenzied patterns. also had my first spanish class, which was quite exciting. considering the spanish i know is limited to choice words from american sesame street and kids in the hall ("porque? porque estamos maridos! es verdad!" ENGLISH: "why? because we are married! it's true!"), i've done pretty well for an hour and a half of instruction. i make a basic conversation, so long as you ask me questions that are straight from the textbook, and i can use the phrase "el gusto es mio" (the pleasure is mine) in many situations.

life is good. and what's more, after slotting in my web url to diaryreviews on a complete whim a few days ago, i was reviewed and garnered a 100/100. i cordially thank the reviewer, a fine strappin' boy named davo, whom i did not pay at all for this pleasure. thank you.

</p>

music: “alive” – pearl jam

yesterday, on my third volunteer shift, the president left me to hold the fort alone for two hours, which was somewhat of a compliment for a big-city-organization, but understandable if you know that he comes from the eastern (ie. less stressful) side of canada.

trust is a wonderful thing. for a person who has served as a peacekeeper, skydives once a month, coaches gymastics, works for a non-profit organization, and teaches motorcycle lessons, he’s probably met enough annoying people, or distrustful people in his rounds on earth. yet he still advocates the maxim “you get what you give”, in that if you’re trustful of people, you have their trust in return. of course, there’s also gut feeling; you can usually judge whether you like someone, or don’t like someone within the first fifteen minutes of conversation. unfortunately, the lot of us city dwellers go into these situations carrying preconceived notions and choose to like or dislike a person before having met them. and trust? bah! i’ve never heard that word before!

i asked him if he found people in our province to be at complete odds with people from the extreme boards of the country, and he agreed. primarily because this is a city; people are more tense, less likely to be happy because they have to work to pay people for pleasure instead of working to be self-sufficient. but there’s just something about the people from the far reaches of canada, the maritime folk and the b.c. folk. they’re more open and embracing, overall good listeners. and i wonder if all that water and fresh air has anything to do with it. we’re quite landlocked here, aching for escape. maybe aching for personal freedom in a way. and slamming our bodies together on a subway car every morning at 8:30 doesn’t help matters.

i don’t know. sometimes i think i’ve had enough of the city life already, and that soon i’ll be packing up my bags and heading out to some small town to pump gas or operate a handicrafts shop. things just seem much more simple there.

but you betcha once i get there, i’ll be back out here in a week. after all, the vines aren’t planning a tour to population 500 towns soon, are they? yes, we up and bought tickets for tomorrow night’s show at the opera house. i’m so excited i get to see the lead singer’s mouth in the flesh. roar. what an obsession.

new purchase of the week: the slim, slick, stylised canoscan N670U. what i seek to do with this: play with it, love it, nurture it straight off my teat. the canoscanner will be my technological baby today. </p>

on a sadder note, i am beginning to lose hair like pbs lost their good children's programming after i left high school. actually, i think that's probably a sadder situation (what, where's reading rainbow? contact?)... but that's another rant altogether, and i shouldn't have even brought it up because i'm starting to get increasingly livid.

at any rate, i've failed to find a good remedy for maintaining hair, apart from keeping my hair short - which i'm presently disinclined to do because it's gotten to the point where it will shock people if i do so little as trim it. that's right, i hate going into work with that fresh, "hey, my hair's just been shorn!" because there's always that internal battle of eschewing the attention if they say something and then wondering if my hair looks absolutely hideous, if they don't. i find no relief from the haircut, just ample stress.

someone suggested i get some vitamin B, but when i spoke to a representative at the health store, he just balked at me and said something to the effect of "well when your hair gets long, you lose more". thanks, thanks a lot.

it doesn't help that when seeing my dying aunt for the first time, in oh, four years, her first comment was "why is your hair so thin?" keep in mind, that she was dying from a numbing disease at the time, and the first thing she mentions is my thinning hair.

balding men: i can now relate to your pariah syndrome. in fact, let's join hands and tell each other that we're more than our hair. i'm good enough, i'm strong enough, and doggonit, people LIKE me.

phew! i'm on a R-O-L-L - review of Royal City all up and done (and less than a week, at that!)... divert your viewing to this page if you please.

REALLY LAME gorky's zygotic mynci live review finally completed. i promise the royal city review will be much faster...

* now using livejournal as a mirror site to my real diaryland site... this just makes it easier for livejournal friends to catch up... or annoy them. one or the other.

my manager happened to hop over to my cubicle to collect his print-outs while i was polishing up a live music review on word. this happens often, but this time i decided to make a bold move and not switch windows, lest it seem that i’m constantly hiding something like pornographic materials. i kept staring at the screen, body stiff and fingers numb from his presence. of course, this had to be the day where he stands in front of the printer for five minutes, waiting for his material to pop out.

i was caught in a dilemma; should i switch windows? should i continue to type? should i pretend to open another document? should i swivel my chair and work on something else? should i start up a conversation? what would make it seem less like i’m concerned about him standing near me while i’m NOT doing work?

instead, i just sat there, pretending to think. perhaps this was the right thing to do, because he brought up the topic of moving the printer.

ME: oh, that’s not necessary (more relieved that he brought the subject up rather than right out ignoring the tense printer situation)

BOSS: i don’t want to make it seem like i’m looking over your shoulder all the time.

ME: oh, i’m not worried (read: YES, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING)

BOSS: ah, it’s just that if this printer was on MY desk, i’d feel weird about people coming into my cubicle looking at my stuff.

ME: right. uh... (WOW HE FEELS THE SAME WAY!)

BOSS: well, it’s up to you. if you don’t mind, then we’ll keep it here.

ME: OK! (DAMN! WHAT DO I MEAN, “OK”! COULD I BE ANY MORE CHEERY?)

god. i’m so passive aggressive. those few occasions when i know what i want, and the opportunity is right in my face, i just blow it. even when it comes to one of the most lenient, appreciative bosses, i just started to burble like an obsequious slave. i must have left my backbone in india.

</p>

via arizabif and flankid, i present the google test (type in "[your name] is" into google and see what delightful things you've been up to!)

Connie is #17 of The Reader's Choice Top 100 Science Fiction Writers of all time
Connie is in LA
Connie is a lair! (yes, it said LAIR, not LIAR)
Connie is one of only four known Constellations still flying in the United States
Connie is a member of the Southern Gospel Music Association
Connie is one of the best writers of my generation
Connie is a happily married upstate New York housewife
Connie is found walking down the middle of the street in a dazed stupor
Connie is NOT a channel and has never been coerced to cooperate with Jesus, Mary, Sai Baba or other Masters

connie is also tired of these mindless entries. will write of more substance soon.

as i was towelling off this morn, i was aghast to find an earwig squirming around on my left shoulder. i had sudden flashbacks to geordie lachance’s episode with the leeches in stand by me and started distorting my mouth in unsavoury expressions, flailing around in the bathtub, smacking my whole body in attempts to rid any contact of these creepy crawlies. </p>

blech. i immediately ran into the bedroom and blamed G for bringing in the nasties from his weekend camping jaunt to wasaga, to which he responded a “i think it’s just a coincidence”, even though he was telling me about all the earwigs he had to shake off the bottom of the tent when he was packing up to return. hm. he fell right back asleep and i continued to watch my step every time i went into the bathroom. blech.

our intentions to see ron sexsmith at harbourfront for canada day celebrations fizzled out by mid-afternoon when we realized that stepping out of the apartment would likely cause my eyebrows to char and my brain to suffer a total meltdown and ooze out of my ears. i’d rather not see parts of my frontal lobe dripping on to my shoulders, thank you very much. the earwig was bad enough.

i watched the TVography on “the wonder years” last night, and tried to convince G that it was the best show EVER. it featured ample clips from the show and i had occasion to tear up once again. the odd thing about the program was that there was absolutely no mention of what jason hervey (the ugly, obnoxious older brother) was up to. the entire cast spoke about every else but him. conspiracy? i daresay.

also in a complete reversal of how i spend my time off, we watched television all night long, most of which was caught up in the cube, one of the viewer’s choice canadian flicks on showcase. i guess this was as far as i was going to go with any display of patriotism, so we kept the tv on and i was knocking my head in disbelief. this movie is SO FRUSTRATING. it’s suspenseful and has a great idea on paper, what with its plot dependence on mathematics and human power, but this canadian production really needed better actors to pull it off successfully. quentin was absolutely dreadful. still, i was riveted, but i won’t deny that needed an overdose on valium after it was through.

anyways. happy day after canada day, everyone. and happy early july 4 to my american friends. i hope you at least get outside to celebrate without having to drain your entire county's supply of water. slurp.

</p>

went to see royal city at the brigantine room, harbourfront. best solid show they've done. sweet melodies, banjoes, uncertain yet cooing and smooth voices, simply delicious eye candy, it was sheer loveliness. please go and buy their CDs. or i will insert spoons into your aural cavities and make you roll down a hill naked.

isn't it wonderful how music can just make you feel so in love with the world? i haven't felt this charged up in eons. mental note: charge my walkman batteries, pronto.

happened to catch the dyke march today as my volunteering plans fell through. what a heaping of lesbians! i told my mom about the chinese/asian lesbian presence and she uttered, "wow!" like she was proud of our culture. if she only knew that for a split second after i saw these girls (cute, petite, little trendy asians), i had toyed with the idea of marching alongside them, she'd be cackling to her grave. my boyfriend wouldn't be too enamoured with the idea.

besides, after seeing royal city, i've confirmed that i'm definitely in hetero-love. mmm mmm, can't get enough of super golden schlong. er. i mean love songs.

pardon me, i feel dirty.

Date:	2002-06-21 17:32
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	"i am the greatest" - a house

good god. i've spent five+ hours working on my diary design. five hours sprinkled with cursing and eyeballs that ache to drop from their sockets. if you take a look at the design, you'd think it would have been a half hour job, tops. but you didn't realize that you were dealing with ms. technically inept here.

i had a great night seeing the herbalizer on harbourfront. it was good times, kids. good times.

i need a bed.

Date:	2002-06-16 19:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	"your favorite music" - clem snide

i've been a bit slack on the livejournal front. you know how you get to know one coffee shop (ie. diaryland), think it's the bomb, continue to go there, not really for the coffee, but for the sense of tradition and community that the coffee evokes in you? it's something like that. or maybe i'm just lazy.

i'll opt for the latter.

things are a'ite. for those of you who do not catch up on my "other" diary (i feel like i'm having an affair... *gasp*), i'm pretty much packing up and leaving for costa rica sometime this winter, to volunteer. anything to get away from the winter air that makes my nostril hairs stick together every time i breathe in. oh how i detest what winter does to my poor little air filters.

by the way, i've been accused of having an abnormal amount of nose hair for a girl. if i had a webcam, i'd definitely indulge you with photos of this wonderful part of my body, but for now i'll just leave it to your imagination.

went to see some acts at the buskerfest today. had fun. went to the parents' yesterday. had fun. went to see duotang at the rivoli on friday. had fun.

speaking of which, i bought a duotang t-shirt at the show; it's not a case of being a hardcore fan of duotang, it's just that i can rarely find fun t-shirts that don't cost over $25.00. this beaut cost me all of $12.00, a dark blue number with a cartoon drum kit/bass and an arrow below reading "duotang". barely anyone will know it's a band shirt, really. besides, even though i don't profess to be a fan (nor do i own any CD), they put on a bloody enthusiastic show. please go see live bands, now.

last few songs i've listened to: "little fat baby" - sparklehorse, "pole tricks" - japancakes, "sailor" - hem, "western battle" - seafood *

we all had a rollicking dinner with jen. it's been almost a year since we all got together, but still like old times. miss you tonnes, you NERD.

Date:	2002-06-07 10:02
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy
Music:	cbc radio

i sawryan belleville last night for the 5th time and oh, how i wish to bed that bundle of fun - the funniest standup i've seen in eras, next towinston spear. nothing more to be said. remember their names, you'll be hearing a LOT about them in the near future...

hot dingety dang dong ding bang biff bang pow! livejournal has caused me excessive strife for the past half hour. please see me at diaryland if you wish to satiate your voyeuristic tendencies: near-sighted.diaryland.com.

i've attempted to post comments a marathon long, but to no avail. livejournal, if thou werest a loaf of bread, i'd stab you with marmite! blech!

i was just listening to a cornershop song that continued playing for the last two geological eras. cornershop has some fun creative music at times, but this selection just keeps going... and going... and going... like those bands that go crazy on their guitarwork on stage when all you want to do is just hear the song you've heard on the disc. three minutes and thirty seconds. what happened to the demise of the perfect pop nugget?

how annoying.

gary worked on a new design for me as i proved very inept after a few hours in front of netfusion. what a bastard program. i'm ready to bolt off the computer now. but i won't. because i'm an addict.

just like you.

Date:	2002-05-30 07:51
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy

i woke up to a thick feeling of mugginess and i can't shake this really evil and foreboding feeling. it reminds me of august and i hate august. august usually represents the end of summer, and usually the end of good times. man.

i don't hate mugginess, i just hate this dark and dirty mugginess, the clouds' strength barely giving way to the sun. g & i went out for swiss chalet last night, and rented a movie we didn't watch because i had a guilty fascination with the miss universe pageant (okay... did you SEE the shoulders on miss canada? horrific!)

still, we were both feeling undeniably depressed. i don't know if it's because we've been going hardcore on the travelling/visiting friends thing or what, but now we have basically nothing planned together. and with me surfing web sites on travel destinations nightly, it probably doesn't make him feel better.

good news is, my boss is letting me go in two weeks instead of the end of august. phew! now i can focus on other matters. like sleeping in. and other just-as-glorifying events. thank you.

that last entry was just a test. and i've finally figured out how to get images up for free. i'm way behind on this internet thing, it's embarrassing.